The Complicated Reality of Being a Black Taylor Swift Fan

When I used to be 12, I used to be hopelessly in love with this boy… let’s name him Chase. Chase was the definition of a mid-aughts teenage dream: his angle was angsty, his hair was floppy, and I’m fairly certain he had skinny denims in each coloration. My love for Chase was unrequited — he barely seen me (however did take discover of my buddy Madison). Every evening, I tried to write down about my emotions for Chase in my diary, however I did not have the phrases. How may I articulate what he meant to me, and the way his curiosity in Madison made me really feel?

It did not click on till one morning, whereas my mother was taking me to high school, a track performed on the radio: the 2007 seminal basic “Teardrops On My Guitar,” written and carried out by Taylor Swift. I used to be shocked — the country-pop monitor eloquently described how I used to be feeling (the track was even impressed by the singer’s personal unrequited teenage love). I felt like Taylor’s youthful, punchy vocals and her heartbreaking lyrics had been tailor made for me. I’d related with artists earlier than, however not like this. I could not cease listening to, or speaking about, “Teardrops On My Guitar.” And similar to that. . . I used to be a Swiftie.

Years went on, and I remained a loud and proud fan of the singer. I purchased every single on iTunes. I had each poster. I knew each lyric and enjoyable truth concerning the Pennsylvania native (do you know she wrote a e-book titled “A Girl Named Girl” when she was 14?). The late ’00s had been the daybreak of Swiftie-mania, so I used to be in good firm. Tween women all over the world had been obsessed along with her breakup-inspired music.

Then, in 2009, the Video Music Awards incident occurred. When Kanye West stormed the stage and declared that the singer didn’t need to win finest video by a feminine artist, public notion of Swift shifted. My fellow Swifities had been outraged on the rapper’s interruption, whereas the Black neighborhood deemed Ye a hero. Those opposing responses put me, a Black fan of Swift, in a sophisticated place.

I bear in mind being quieter about my love for Swift after that, particularly once I was round Black folks. I felt like I needed to decide a facet — I knew I used to be on Swift’s, and that it could be one thing I’d have to cover. Once, I let it slip that I used to be Team Taylor once I was hanging out with a few cousins, they usually tore me a new one. “You know that stuff is not for Black folks, proper?” One of my cousins requested. I used to be confused and aggravated, however I did not say something again to them.

As the years went on, Swift solely grew to become extra of a controversial determine amongst Black folks. She was accused of being racially insensitive on multiple event, most notably in 2015 following the release of the music video for “Wildest Dreams,” which was shot in Africa. The singer additionally went quiet for a little too lengthy after an alt-white, neo-Nazi deemed her an “Aryan ideal” in 2016. And whereas these facet eye-worthy incidents had been taking place, Swift was evolving as an artist. She began to desert the country-pop sound I fell in love with, in favor of extra experimental music. Her fanbase was evolving, too — white girls grew to become the face of Swifties. By the late 2010s, I felt remoted from the singer, and I finished listening to her music.

Until two weeks in the past. “Teardrops on my Guitar” popped up on my YouTube homepage, and I made a decision to play it for the primary time in near a decade. I used to be alive, and immediately that lovesick teenager once more. I even determined I’d take a look at her new music. Halfway by the track, although, my boyfriend, who’s Black, walked within the door, and I slammed my laptop computer shut. I did not need him to note what I used to be listening to. Because, in spite of everything of these years, I nonetheless felt conflicted about my Blackness and Swiftie-ness.

But I need to shake that disgrace off, and get again to the enjoyment Swift’s music as soon as gave me. I figured the reply lies with different Black Swifties, so I despatched out a name on social media. Many fellow followers had been beneficiant sufficient to unpack how they’ve navigated their love of Swift and their Blackness.

Most shared that, like me, they’ve needed to grapple with being a Black Swiftie. Take Lily Wilkinson, who shared that her cousin was “genuinely upset” when she bought a tattoo impressed by the singer in 2019. Wilkinson stated her cousin cited Swift’s “internalized misogyny and in addition blind loyalty to Black males as a result of they’re Black” as the rationale for her disdain. However, now, after seeing the “economy-boosting energy” of Swift’s Eras Tour, her cousin is extra supportive of Wilkinson’s Swiftie standing.

“If TikTook is something to go by, there are extra BIPOC Swifties than ever,” Wilkinson defined. “There are extra people who have carried out the work of dismantling their inside race and gender biases, and extra people who acknowledge that you simply needn’t evaluate Taylor to Beyoncé with the intention to perceive that they are each unbelievable abilities and we’re fortunate to bear witness to their successes.”

Exquisite Williams, in the meantime, in contrast being a Black Swiftie to going to a predominantly white establishment.

“It could be an achingly lonely expertise,” she stated. “One that requires you to search out and construct your personal neighborhood of different Black Swifties.”

Williams added that she’s continually requested if Taylor Swift is for Black listeners.

“If you knew the quantity of instances I’ve heard, ‘Taylor Swift has Black followers?’ or ‘I’ve by no means seen a Black Swiftie,’ you’ll go insane,” she stated. “It does not assist that the white voices are so dominant. Not to say the non-Black swifties of coloration who could be simply as racist and violent.”

Williams stated she has even gotten racist threats relating to her standing as a Swiftie: “I’ve acquired nooses in my DMs for daring to query or criticize one thing Taylor does.”

The relentless animosity and questioning is emotionally taxing, to say the least. To cope, Williams stated she tries to make gentle of the fact of being a Black Swiftie. “I discovered to search out the humor in it, nevertheless it nonetheless impacts me,” she informed me. “All Swifties are virtually inherently defensive of their love for Taylor . . . and it’s much more obvious in Black swifties as a result of we now have to be on the protection from each single angle.”

Similarly to Williams, Ajhé Nolen shared that, in her expertise, most of the hate she receives for being a Black Swiftie happens on-line.

“You appropriate somebody on an assumption they’ve or simply flat out disagree, they mechanically assume you are white or that you simply’re not ‘actually’ a Black individual,” she defined. “You’re whitewashed or no matter time period they really feel like utilizing that day.”

My fellow Black Swifties’ commentary is, in some ways, releasing. Over the years, I’ve felt alone in my love for Swift and my Blackness. But listening to that my expertise is widespread has impressed me to re-acquaint myself with the singer. I do know her earlier work effectively, and I look ahead to including her 2010s hits (her versions of them, of course) to my playlists, however I’m extra curious to take a look at her newer work. Maybe 2022’s “Midnights” has a monitor that may converse to me like “Teardrops On My Guitar” did.

“I feel for anybody that is obsessed with something or anybody, it is vital to know that it isn’t going to make sense to everybody,” Black Swiftie Alexander Hinnant informed me. “What you like is at all times going to have the capability to rub somebody the mistaken means and nobody is invalid for a way they really feel about it.”

Hinnant is correct. I’m assured sufficient in my racial identification to know that nothing, together with being a fan of Swift, can compromise my Blackness. I can nonetheless join with the hopelessly romantic teenage lady who cherished how Swift articulated the wonders and woes of love, all whereas nonetheless being the highly effective Black girl I’m in the present day. That lady is a half of me I treasure, because of Taylor Swift.