Two people embracing on top of a bed, with their clasped hands in focus and their bodies in the background

TikTok drama alert! Over the previous few days, the world of #MomTok — a area of interest however common group of Utah-based, principally Mormon mothers — imploded when their de facto ringleader, Taylor Frankie Paul, claimed that she and a group of her besties have been swingers. It’s a material the TikToker (whose account appears to have been deleted) has joked about earlier than, but it surely was by no means clear whether or not there was reality behind her humor or if she was enjoying to the (typically false) stereotype of polygamous practices amongst Mormon communities.

In a TikTok stay, Paul determined to deal with that ambiguity head-on by alleging that she and a group of her mates and their companions have been partaking in “soft-swap swinging” however that a boundary was crossed and every part has fallen aside. Names have been named then recanted, divorces have been introduced, and everyone seems to be left questioning what in the hell is definitely happening. There’s even a complete subreddit devoted to figuring it out.

What’s adopted has been a torrent of face-saving posts, explanatory however contradictory stay movies, accusations that this complete saga is a made-up ploy to achieve views, and no scarcity of confusion on what “delicate swapping” is — or what upside-down pineapples imply.

No quantity of hypothesis on my half will reveal any new data, and solely time will inform whether or not the story unfolding on-line proper now’s actual, scripted, or some mixture of the 2. But as your resident swinger, I can a minimum of present a little context about what delicate swapping actually is.

Soft Swap vs. Full Swap

First, let’s discuss swinging in basic. Swinging is the act of a couple swapping companions with one other couple in a sexual method. These {couples} usually establish as romantically monogamous however sexually open, with the rule that their companions take part in the swap or be current in a way. There are usually guidelines towards catching emotions, even when that may be troublesome to forestall.

A delicate swap is a type of swinging in which penetration (typically referring to penis-in-vagina intercourse) doesn’t happen — we’re mainly speaking guide and oral sex, though the main points of the boundaries could also be up for every participant to determine. A full swap, however, is one in which full intercourse is on the desk. Swingers usually introduce themselves in phrases of what sort of swapping they do in order to take advantage of appropriate connections.

Of course, the idea of sentimental versus arduous or full swapping could be problematic, given its emphasis on penis-in-vagina intercourse, which should not inherently carry extra weight than different forms of intercourse, penetrative or in any other case. But whatever the want for terminology to evolve, that is what these phrases imply at this second in time.


Soft swapping permits {couples} to determine sure boundaries, whether or not their purpose is to keep away from being pregnant or STDs or they wish to dip their toes into the nonmonogamous waters.

Is There Something Inherently Wrong With Swinging?

Any time swinging or nonmonogamy makes the news, it attracts a lot of opinions. This is simply attributable to our tradition’s ingrained concepts about intercourse. In a good world, consenting adults would not be judged for his or her sexual practices with different consenting adults. So it must be mentioned that nothing is inherently flawed with swinging. (That mentioned, it is by no means OK to reveal one other particular person’s sexual preferences with out their full and enthusiastic consent.)

The Importance of Communication in Any and All Relationships

In her TikTok stay, Paul talked about breaking or “step[ping] out of” an settlement that she’d established together with her companions. Regardless of what really occurred in this explicit scenario, it is inconceivable to overstate significance of Communication with a capital C in the case of romantic entanglements, whether or not they be monogamous, swinger, polyamorous, or anything. Identifying as a delicate or full swapper is moot in case you do not feel comfy being clear about what you need from the swinging expertise. Frequent conversations are important between potential companions — and everybody else concerned — to keep away from damage emotions and precise hurt.

You Said Something About Pineapples?

Swingers use upside-down pineapple motifs to sign their identification to different swingers. It started in the pre-internet days when swingers would put a pineapple upside-down in their procuring carts whereas on the grocery retailer, and now it exhibits up extra on T-shirts, jewellery, and even tattoos. Not each pineapple is that type of pineapple, although — it could simply signify a fondness for Hawaii — so be aware when approaching individuals in tropical decor.

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