Image Source: Getty / Frazer Harrison
When the world came upon that Adam Levine allegedly cheated on his wife, Behati Prinsloo, the web exploded with confusion. One Twitter user Tweeted: “Adam Levine was courting a VS MODEL BRO. AND HE CHEATED ON HER.” Another stated, “BEHATI WAS DOING CHARITY WORK MARRING ADAM LEVINE.”
Many individuals could not perceive how or why this might ever occur — particularly to somebody who’s actually paid for wanting the way in which they do. But this is not the one instance of a “scorching woman” being cheated on. It’s actually fairly frequent. Think about Shakira, Emily Ratajowski, and Beyoncé — all “scorching ladies” who have been allegedly cheated on by their companions. Again, many individuals could not perceive how these ladies may ever be cheated on — not simply due to their attractiveness but in addition due to their success and the pedestal we, as a tradition, have put them on.
But this case additionally is not unique to celebs. (Raise your hand in the event you’ve ever been cheated on and the very first thing individuals let you know is a few form of iteration of, “You’re too scorching for them, anyway!”)
So the query of the hour is: how can an individual — and men, especially — cheat on somebody we contemplate to be of top-tier attractiveness? And why do we discover it so surprising and discomforting when that occurs?
“Adam Levine was courting a VS MODEL BRO. AND HE CHEATED ON HER. And THEN. tried to call his child after the woman he cheated with. This is why we agree that males are trash. End of story” #AdamLevine pic.twitter.com/db6uFbjZeQ
— manicpixielol (@manicpixielol) September 20, 2022
BEHATI WAS DOING CHARITY WORK MARRING ADAM LEVINE pic.twitter.com/VKkWgAh3x2
— yuli (@_yuli5) September 19, 2022
Really, the rationale individuals cheat typically has much less to do with the opposite associate and much more to do with the cheater’s unresolved emotional points, relationship expert Nicole Moore tells POPSUGAR. For instance, somebody might worry that in the event that they make themselves “totally susceptible” to their associate by actually committing and handing their coronary heart over, their associate will use that management to harm them in a roundabout way, Moore explains. “Without the house to correctly face and deal with these deep intimacy fears, many males typically resort to safety mechanisms to distance themselves from the connection, resembling dishonest.”
In different instances, somebody might cheat as a result of they merely do not know talk what their wants are and which of these aren’t being met, Moore says, and “as a substitute of going deeper in intimacy with [their] associate and discovering a method to come nearer by way of communication, [they attempt] to really feel higher by means of another person.”
And in the event you actually wish to dig into the way in which perceived attractiveness impacts the state of affairs? Well, if somebody is courting somebody they really feel is “out of their league,” it could possibly be as a result of they “do not feel adequate about themselves [and] will sabotage a very good relationship as a result of they do not really feel that they are price it,” licensed counselor Jason Fierstein
In the tip, Moore says dishonest isn’t in regards to the attractiveness of both individual concerned. “If a associate has dishonest tendencies, their conduct has nothing to do with the attractiveness of their associate and every little thing to do with their very own wounding inside,” she says. (Thanks to toxic masculinity and the way in which gender norms play out in our tradition, many males do not feel comfy or have the flexibility to specific vulnerability or their feelings within the first place.)
That stated, it is problematic to imagine somebody would or would not get cheated on based mostly on their look alone, Moore says. (Yes, this even consists of Victoria’s Secret fashions.) While “attractiveness does entice individuals initially, it isn’t sufficient to stave off another person’s want to cheat.” It additionally performs into the concept that a extra enticing individual is much less deserving of being cheated on and vice versa. Thinking this manner perpetuates a dangerous narrative that you’re solely able to find actual, real love in the event you look the way in which societal norms need you to — and that is simply not the reality.
So when this type of factor occurs to a star or to somebody “scorching” we all know IRL, there is a purpose we’re so stunned: “Since we’re bombarded with promoting, cultural, and media messages that inform us the key to touchdown a mate is to be extra enticing, we’re collectively shocked when a pretty lady will get cheated on,” Moore says. “We really feel like attractiveness needs to be sufficient to maintain a mate as a result of we have been advised that it’s [enough] virtually since start.”
This is why lots of people could also be confused that somebody like Levine was in a position to (allegedly) cheat on somebody like Prinsloo.
It’s not possible to know what is going on on in a relationship from the skin, so we actually cannot choose the state of affairs from attractiveness alone (or the rest for that matter). But so far as Prinsloo goes, she will probably be cherished — with or with out Levine.